The Twilight Chronicles
by Jammeke
Summary: Things the character would say—if I had anything to say about it.
1. 1 to 15

**Title**: The Twilight Chronicles

**Author**: Jammeke

**Disclaimer**: The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I am merely borrowing them.

**AN**** 1**: This is my first attempt at Twilight fiction. I may get around to writing a real story later, but humor stories are my real passion, and I've had a lot of fun coming up with Twilight quotes.

**AN 2**: This piece of work includes spoilers for every Twilight book that's been released. The quotes are not set in a particular order, nor are they set in a particular time-line. Some fit in book one, some in book four.

**The Twilight Chronicles **

1.  
**Bella: **"You are a vampire?"  
**Edward****:** "Correct."  
**Bella****:** "And you drive a _silver_ Volvo?"  
**Edward****:** "Correct."  
**Bella****:** "Am I the only one catching the irony here?"

2.  
**Bella:** "I haven't tripped _once_ today!"  
**Edward:** "Bella, you have two broken legs. Even if you _tried_, you'd have a hard time getting off the couch."

3.  
**Edward: **"My gift doesn't allow for me to read Bella's mind. I think there's something wrong with it."  
**Rosalie: **"Edward, Bella knows you are a vampire, and she _still_ wants to be with you! Are you sure the problem isn't due to a lack of brains?"

4.  
**Edward: **"I don't know how to convince Bella that she's better off human."  
**Carlisle:** "Have you tried telling her that vampires go without chocolate?"

5.  
**Emmett: **"Yes, hello, this is Mr. Cullen speaking. I'd like to order two AB and five O-negative grizzly bears. No, without garlic butter. Yes, thank you."

6.  
**Edward:** "I don't have unlimited self-control, Bella."  
**Bella:** "Edward, you haven't _been_ with a woman in over hundred years. Clearly, the facts are on my side_."_

7.  
**Rosalie:** "I hate being a vampire! It _sucks_."  
**Edward:** "Hilarious."  
**Emmett****: **"Look at the bright side of things: you can't break your nails."

8.  
**Aro: **"Edward, our abilities are so alike. Perhaps we are brothers."  
**Jane**: "I think he is your long lost son."  
**Edward: **"Wait a minute. The love triangle was one thing. Then her former admirer imprinted on my wife's child and became her son-in-law. Now, all of a sudden, lost relatives start turning up… is this Twilight or some soap opera? Don't look at me like that!"

9.  
**Edward****: **"Bella, you know I promised you a 'before' and an 'after' car. How about a 'during' car?"

10.  
**Edward: **"Bella, love – what happened to our threshold?"  
**Bella**: "Alice foresaw that I would trip over it, and I decided to take out the threat."

11.  
**Jacob: **"Edward, may I ask for your daughter's hand?"  
**Edward: **"Are you telling me you haven't _ripped_ it off her yet, dog?"

12.  
**Alice:** "Bella, you gave me such a difficult time dressing you, I forgot to dress myself this morning."

13.  
**Charlie****: **"Grey hair! I've found a grey hair! Bella, you have a right to remain silent. Everything you say could be used against you."

14.  
**Bella:** "When life gives you lemons; throw them back and demand Edward."

15.  
**Alice: **"We're fleeing the country."  
**Edward: **"What? Why?"  
**Alice: **"Haven't you seen the news this morning? The White House is in ruins."  
**Rosalie: **"Your beloved wife was chasing a Labrador last night..."  
**Esme: **"She tripped over it."

TBC...

**End note: **Feedback is very much appreciated.


	2. 16 to 30

**Aliceandra** – I'm glad I made you laugh, and yes, I'm planning on posting another chapter soon. Thanks for the review.

**CrossoverAUman **– I don't understand why anyone wouldn't like Twilight, but I'm honored that you decided to read this nonetheless. Thanks for the review and I'm glad I got a chuckle out of you!

**ClaireQ857 **– Thanks, I'm glad you liked last chapter.

**AndromedaMarine**– Thanks for your kind review; it's nice to see that Stargate people read my other stories too. I'm glad you liked chapter 1, and thanks for saying most characters were IC. I can see why some aren't, and I'll try to work on that. Thanks for putting me on alert.

**Saphiretwin369 **– It's nice to know you like Twilight too, because I always loved your reviews on my Stargate drabbles. Thanks for pointing out to me which ones you liked best, that helps a lot.

**sparklyshimmer2010 **– Sparklyshimmer! I'm so glad you read last chapter, despite disliking Twilight; that really means a lot to me. I always looked forward to your reviews on my other stories, and it's a surprise to see you here! Thanks for listing your favorites, it makes writing the other quotes easier. Oh, and don't worry – I'm going to update my Stargate stories too, but right now my entire world's been turned upside down by Twilight. I have it bad, I'm afraid…

**kaitebug **– Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it.

**The Twilight Chronicles**

16.  
**Bella: **"You're impossible fast… and strong. Your skin is pale white and ice cold. Your eyes change colour, and sometimes you speak like you're from a different time. You never eat or drink anything. You don't go out into the sunlight. You've got to give me some answers."  
**Edward:** "I'd rather hear your theories."  
**Bella:** "You're Bigfoot, having sun allergies and wearing contacts lenses - on a diet?"

17.  
**Edward: **"Penny for your thoughts?"  
**Alice: **"Puh-lease. I'd be rich beyond my wildest dreams if you were serious."

18.  
**Edward:** "Charlie, we have some good news."  
**Charlie:** "Oh my God! You're pregnant, aren't you?!"  
**Bella:**"If only... Every time I have my period, I have to stay away from his family. It's beyond annoying!"

19.  
**Carlisle: **"We are vegetarians."  
**Laurent:** "Really? What a coincidence; so am I."  
**Carlisle**: "Are you serious? I was under the impression your pack-"  
**Laurent:** "I'm a member of Greenpeace, too. I think it's hideous that animals suffer because of those arrogant humans. Maybe if we eat the entire human population, the animals will be left alone at last."

20.  
**Bella: **"Edward, will you play my lullaby for me?"  
**Edward: **"Of course, love, close your eyes and listen."  
**Emmett (in the background): **"You know, that song does sound awfully familiar."  
**Esme (in the background): **"Shss, it's the main theme from Titanic; don't let Bella in on it."

21.  
**Emmett: **"So... how about it?"  
**Rosalie:** "It _has_ been years since the last time."  
**Emmett:** "It feels more like centuries."  
**Rosalie:** "You're awfully romantic! All right, pop the question, darling."  
**Emmett:** "Great! Rosalie, will you marry me?"  
**Rosalie:** "_Oh, Emmett!_ Let's go tell the family!"  
**Emmett:** "Don't forget to take your ring off..."

22.  
**Jacob:** "Bella, we never hang out anymore. How about we go cliff-diving?"  
**Edward:** "She only jumped because she wanted to hear my voice, mongrel."  
**Bella:** "I guess it would be more prudent to call him from now on."

23.  
**Mike: **"So, Bella, how are you and Edward doing these days? I'm sure that, what with the kid and all, you two don't have a lot of time for each other anymore."  
**Bella: **"Edward is still quite the romantic, Mike, don't worry. Whenever I'm hungry, he takes me out for dinner."

24.  
**Bella: **"I know this is awkward, Edward, but shall we accept Jacob into our family?"  
**Edward: **"I don't know; I'm more of a cat person myself."

25.  
**Charlie: **"Hypothetically… if someone were to shoot Edward – would it have any effect at all?"  
**Bella:** "Did you honestly believe I wouldn't have stolen your gun if the answer to that question was yes?"

26.  
**Renesmee: **"Mom, Jacob and I shared our first kiss."  
**Edward: **"Am I allowed to break his jaw _now_?"

27.  
**Edward:** "Alice, what are you hiding from me?"  
**Alice:** "Hiding? What do you mean?"  
**Edward:** "Your citing Japanese instructions to build an Ark in your head gave you away, sister."

28.  
**Billy: **"Dear Santa, forget about the cure for all disease and world peace. I don't want any of that for Christmas this year. But could you please make me into a wolf? Sincerely, Billy Black."

29.  
**Edward: **"Renesmee, we need to have a talk with you."  
**Bella:** "You have to be home before dark every day."  
**Edward:** "You have to do your very best at school."  
**Bella:** "You and Jacob are not allowed to… get intimate."  
**Edward:** "And last, but not least: you are not to watch Buffy the Vampire Slaughter!"

30.  
**Bella: **"I guess I always knew Jacob would end up part of my family."  
**Edward:** "Wonderful. Now we have a kid, several cars, a house and a dog. All we need is a swing and the picture's complete."

TBC...


	3. 31 to 45

**YecatsTennant10 **– Thank you so much for the compliment, I'm glad you found the quotes funny and I hope you enjoy this chapter, too!

**burnin4christ **– Thanks for the review; I hope this was fast enough ;)

**Nnyl Eissej **– The pleasure's all mine! I'm glad you liked last chapter.

**xox-Smiley-xox **– Thank you for taking the time to review both chapters, that means a lot to me.

**BrokenAngel-x **– Thanks for pointing out your favorite, I find it helpful when people tell me which quotes they like best. Oh, and I'm glad I made you laugh; that's what this piece of work is about. Yes, I made them all up, and I take your disbelief as a compliment ;) Thanks for the review!

**AndromedaMarine **– Thank you so much for your wonderful review! I watched Evan Almighty the other night and that's where the Ark idea came from. Daily posts? Well, I'll certainly try!

**Seriusly-Loling **– I'm glad you think so, thanks for letting me know!

**Aliceandra **– Aw, now I'm really curious what happened to the pretzels! It's good to see you're still alive in any case. Thanks for listing your favorites; those were my favorite quotes, too. Here's the next chapter, I hope you like it!

**saphiretwin369 **- Thank you, I, too, absolutely loved the part where they told Charlie they were getting married, his jumping to conclusions was brilliant. I'm a vegetarian myself, and I find the idea of vegetarian vampires quite nice, so I decided to give my own spin to their version of a vegetarian. Quote 24 was funny to write; I tend to laugh out loud whenever the vampires start calling the werewolves 'dogs', it's just so childish and obviously funny! I'm glad you enlisted so many of them as your favorites, thank you for taking the time to point them all out to me!

**The Twilight Chronicles **

31.  
**Aro:** "Edward, be warned: we will be coming to Forks-"  
**Edward:** "If you are trying to frighten me, you are doing an awfully poor job, Aro."  
**Aro:** "- and when we do, we will take your car."  
**Edward:** "No… No, please, I'll do anything. Do you want my gift? You can have Alice's too - no one touches the Volvo!"

32.  
**Jacob:** "Bella, you can't become a vampire. You are afraid of blood."  
**Bella:** "We're talking about a scary, life-altering transformation here, and you have the _nerve_ to be logical about it?"

33.  
**Jessica: **"Bella, I'm sorry for calling you in the middle of the night, but it's thundering real loud and I'm scared."  
**Belle:** "Relax, Jessica. It's mostly just vampires playing baseball."  
**Edward:** "Yes, that should put her mind at rest."

34.  
**Carlisle:** "An army of newborns has been created in our house!"  
**Esme:** "What?"  
**Emmett:** "Don't panic, I bet it's all just Rosalie's doing. She mentioned something about needing staff to clean our room the other night."

35.  
**Jacob:** "So, how does imprinting work, exactly?"  
**Billy:** "No one's quite sure, son. But trust me when I say you'll know the moment you look into the eyes of your beloved."  
**Jacob:** "Of course - well done, Jacob; fall for the disabled girl, why don't you? The bloodsucker can't read Bella's mind - how am I supposed to read her _eyes_?"

36.  
**Bella:** "I'm starting to develop an inferiority complex here. You're good at everything, Edward. Why do you have to be so perfect?"  
**Edward:** "What do you want me to do?"  
**Bella:** "I want you to break something of value and curse out loud!"

37.  
**Bella:** "Why are you looking at me like that?"  
**Jacob:** "I'm sorry, let me clarify this for you: I'm trying to imprint on you."  
**Bella:** "Allow me to clarify _this_ for you: I'm looking at you like you're something filthy under my shoe."

38.  
**Esme:** "Isle Esme! Dear Lord, what happened, Edward?"  
**Edward:** "Bella and I are so very sorry, Esme. We got a little caught up in the… moment."  
**Emmett:** "No, dear brother. Rosalie and I tend to get caught up in moments, and we've never gone beyond breaking down houses. You actually _sunk an island! _You go, man!"

39.  
**Leah:** _"I want Sam back. I want Sam back. I want Sam back. I want Sam back. I want-"  
_**Seth:** "Look, I know she's my sister and all, but can we please just push her off a cliff, or something?"  
**Quil:** "By-"  
**Embry:** "-all"  
**Paul:** "-means;"  
**Jared:** "_go_"  
**Jacob:** "-_ahead_!"

40.  
**Bella:** "Mouse! A mouse! Kill. It. Now. Edward!"  
**Edward:** "Easy, love. We wouldn't want you to puke the remnants of that oversized grizzly bear all over our carpet, now would we?"

41.  
**Bella:** "Mom, Edward is just so _perfect_. At first, it made me feel clumsy and awkward, but when I talked to him about it, he offered to _trip over something_. Isn't he wonderful?"

42.  
**Bella:** "You named my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?"  
**Jacob:** "Yes, well – you named her after _two_ vampires… That's hardly saint either."

43.  
**Alice:** "Don't talk to me; I'm in a horrible mood!"  
**Bella:** "I'm sorry?"  
**Alice:** "Usually, I foresee which magazine to buy, so that I know my horoscope will match my future. This morning, I was in a rush and I bought the wrong one. Now they're telling me I'll meet a handsome stranger, and I know I _won't_! Meh!"

44.  
**Jasper:** "Bella, your daughter's hormones are driving me crazy."  
**Bella:** "She's an adolescent, Jasper, she can't help herself. Stop nagging me about her feelings."  
**Jasper:** "She has me lusting after a werewolf, Bella; I think I've earned the right to complain."

45.  
**Alice:** "Bella! What happened to your closet?"  
**Bella:** "My clo- oh, right. I might have _accidentally_ set it on fire."  
**Alice:** "That's a shame. We'll just have to reconstruct your living room then; I hope you weren't attached to it?"

TBC...

**I have a favor to ask. If you like this story enough to put me on story alert or add me to your favorites, would you be so kind to leave me a review and tell me why? It's a small action, but it really feeds the muse. Thanks for reading, another chapter should be up soon! **


	4. 46 to 60

**The Twilight Chronicles **

46.  
**Edward:** "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."  
**Bella:** "What a sick, masochistic lion."  
**Edward:** "What a _stupid_ lamb."

47.  
**Bella: "**I know it's only been a few months, but I feel like I've known you for a long time already…"**  
Edward: **"I know _I_ have been waiting for you all my life, perhaps you experienced a similar-"  
**Bella: **"I got it! You look like Cedric Diggory from that Harry Potter movie!"

48.  
**Bella:** "How did vampires come to be?"  
**Carlisle:** "Are you familiar with the evolution theory? Humans are known to have evolved from the apes; it is my theory that snowmen and mosquitoes crossed paths for us to have come into existence."

49.  
**Bella:** "When Edward and I first met, my blood smelled delicious to him, but he just held his breath and walked away."  
**Carlisle (in the background): **"Edward… vampires can't smell blood. When we come near a human, we can practically taste their blood in our mouths - but we don't actually _smell _it."  
**Edward (in the background):** "Was I supposed to tell her that she smells hideous? I'd rather she goes with this theory."

50.  
**Jacob: **"Bella, be reasonable. The bloodsucker is not coming back and I'm the perfect guy for you. We'll be happy together. We could even start a family if that is what you want."  
**Bella:** "Listen Jake, you're my best friend and I don't want to hurt you, but if you keep this up, I will have no choice but to castrate you."

51.  
**Edward**: "Hello, Alice. Yes, I'm fine, thank you. How are you? Oh, splendid. I was thinking that, with Jasper gone for the weekend, you'd be- Oh really? What did he say? Well, I certainly hope you told him it's- you did? Excellent. Now, I wanted to ask you whether you know where I put my car ke- Ah, on the dining table? Thank you. No, I won't be using your car again. Oh, make sure you do that. Yes, I sha- no, not tonight. I was thinking more along the lines of tomorrow. Next week? I'll have to see about that. Yes, I get your point but - oh, all right. Yes. I must take my leave now."  
**Bella**: Do people _ever _speak out loud in this house? Wait, let me rephrase that; do they remember how to use their voices?"

52.  
**Bella: **"_Which_ human experiences do you want me to have before you _finally_ agree to change me?"  
**Edward: **"Well, there's Prom, of course."  
**Bella: **"Been there, done that."  
**Edward: **"You will need to graduate."  
**Bella: **"Fine, I will, how about after tha-"  
**Edward: **"And you _have_ to know what it feels like to retire and be in a wheelchair."

53.  
**Alice**: "You kept me waiting for a long time."  
**Jasper: **"I'm sorry, ma'am."  
**Alice: **"That's quite all right. You'll make it up to me by buying me a dress - oh, a purple one! Nice!"

54.  
**Rosalie: **"It's our anniversary tonight."  
**Emmett:** "How about we go out for dinner?"  
**Rosalie:** "Oh yes, I know this cute Italian place-"  
**Edward:** "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I overheard you _thinking__, _and the Rocky Mountains are not actually in Italy, Rose."

55.  
**Bella: **"It's Halloween."**  
Edward: **"I know, I'm already dressed up."  
**Bella: **"Let me guess; you're going as a vampi- _what?! _Where did you get that Shrek costume?"

56.  
**Renesmee:** "Mommy, I want a pony."  
**Bella:** "Honey, you are three months old. Don't you think it's a little early-"  
**Renesmee:** "It has been said that giving infants living creatures to take care of is an important part of their education, and will have an obvious and quite _favorable_ effect on the remainder of their lives."

57.  
**Aro: **"Marcus looks _bored_ again, brother and sister."  
**Jane: **"Let's cheer him up."  
**Caius: **"I have a fantastic idea-"  
**Aro**: "Proceed with caution, please. The last time you two tried to entertain Marcus, you ended up starting World War I..."

58.  
**Carlisle: **"I have terrible news."**  
Rosalie: **"What? What is it?"  
**Carlisle: **"Due to the financial crisis, we'll have to sell the car. As well as the other eighteen."

59.  
**Sam:** "What is going on? Why wasn't I made aware of this meeting?"  
**Leah:** "We were distracted, Sam."  
**Embry:** "It's Seth, he's imprinted…"  
**Sam:** "He has? Whom did he imprint on?"  
**Quil:** "Yeah, see… about that…"  
**Jacob:** "It was a rubber duck - a really cute one, though!"

60.  
**Bella**: "Jake, you're balding!"  
**Jacob:** "I know. It seems I'm growing faster than my hair anticipated; I'm going right through it."

TBC...

**Author's Note: **I promise I will update as soon as _humanly_ possible. Yeah - Edward would beat me to it if it were a contest, of that I have no doubt. Thanks for reading this chapter.


	5. 61 to 75

**The Twilight Chronicles **

61.  
**Edward:** "I have to leave Forks. This Bella Swan girl is too much of a temptation."  
**Carlisle:** "Surely there must be a solution to the pro–"  
**Edward: **"Alice foresaw me ruining your art collection in frustration and blind rage if I sta–"  
**Carlisle:** "Take my car; it's faster than yours."

62.  
**Esme**: "I have an idea; let's play Hints. It will be nice to spend some quality time together as a family."  
**Emmett:** "I'm up for it. Let's pick teams. Edward, you're with me."  
**Rosalie:** "Alice, I choose you."  
**Jasper:** "I suppose it doesn't really matter whether the rest of us play or not?"

63.  
**Jacob:** "The truce is over."  
**Edward:** "What? Why?"  
**Jacob:** "A trustworthy contact of mine caught you _biting_ an apple yesterday during lunch break. Don't try to deny it. We'll be coming for you with full forces."

64.  
**Rosalie:** "Emmett?"  
**Emmett:** "Yes, Rose?"  
**Rosalie:** "An average bear eats more than a deer, right?"  
**Emmett:** "I think so, yeah."  
**Rosalie: **"Does this mean that there are less calories in deer blood?"

65.  
**Edward:** "Bella, can I join you in the shower?"  
**Bella:** "No!"  
**Edward:**"Why not? I thought you wanted us to get a little more intimate?"  
**Bella:** "Yes, but you don't want to join me because you want to _see _me, you just want to make sure I don't kill myself by slipping on soap."

66.  
**Edward**: "Bella, love, I am currently debating whether I should head off to Italy provoke the Volturi – or simply set myself on fire."  
**Bella:** "Dare I ask why you are planning on killing yourself?"  
**Alice:** "I'm afraid it's my fault, Bells. I just had a vision of Charlie and Edward spending some quality time fishing together."

67.  
**Kindergarten Teacher: **"Listen up, children. This is Renesmee and she will be joining us after the summer break. Renesmee, why don't you tell us something about yourself?"  
**Renesmee: **"I am Renesmee, I am one year old, I love to play baseball – and I'm betrothed to Jacob Black."

68.  
**Jakob: **"Ow. _Ow!_ Bella, careful, _please_."  
**Bella**: "Don't be such a baby. That's what you get when you end up having fleas. Now _sit still_, or you'll get soap in your eyes."

69.  
**Emmett:** "Hey Jazz, we estimated it would be about... three minutes from now, didn't we?"  
**Jasper:** "Let's go outside, we could be wrong about the exact timing."  
**Bella:** "What is it? What's going on outside?"  
**Edward:** "Two years ago, they were playing with a boomerang in front of our house when Emmett got a bit too enthusiastic."  
**Emmett:** "We're expecting it back today."

70.  
**Quil**: "Jacob, you hardly ever leave the Cullens' house anymore, why don't you visit us more often?"  
**Jacob: **"I can't leave Renesmee, buddy, she's become my _life_."  
**Embry:** "How do you live with it? I mean, she smells... beyond description. I'm not even going to mention her smelly family."  
**Sam: **"Embry, did you really think Jacob had his nose amputated because he thought he looked better without it?"

71.  
**Bella: **"Renesmee, I want you to know that whatever they tell you at school; Santa is not real."  
**Edward:** "Please, Bella, as if our daughter would believe that a _fictional_ character like him would actually exist. Surely she's more intelligent than that."

72.  
**Jacob:** "No, Edward! Not you, _too_! I'm telling you, I don't have fleas anymore..."  
**Edward:** "I couldn't care less about those insects. If anything, they neutralized your horrible scent somewhat. Now _sit still_ or you'll get soap in your eyes."

73.  
_Dear family, friends and loved ones,  
We will be celebrating Bella's birthday next week. She would have turned twenty had she still been human. We all know that she's not technically aging and therefore, she might even _**_like _**_getting presents this year. Still, we don't want to take any risks: __make sure you get her a gift that can not be returned to the store__. I trust you will all find a way to prevent that from happening. We will be waiting for you with a variety of deer, bear and mountain lion blood next Saturday. Bring your own chairs if you feel like sitting._

_Love,_

_Alice Cullen_

_PS: Kate, you have to get her something else. She'll absolutely **hate **the thing you have in mind right now._

74.  
**Renée:** "Hey, Bella, you once told me Edward loves playing baseball. He and Phil should play a game against each other. I bet Phil could beat Edward easily."  
**Bella:** "If I didn't have a ridiculously rich husband, an annoyingly good conscience and a lovely mother whom I don't want to put through pushing her husband around in a wheelchair, or – more likely – coming up with a nice funeral speech, I might even take you up on it."

75.  
**Renesmee:** "Mom, this is your granddaughter."  
**Bella: **"Oh, she's beautiful. She looks just like her parents. Oh, Renesmee, what's her name?"  
**Renesmee:** "Well, we wanted to name the child after her father, but since she turned out to be a girl, we couldn't."  
**Jacob: **"Still, we wanted to go with a name that would fit a new member of the Black family; an honorable name for a member of the Quileute tri–"  
**Edward:** "You _didn't_ call her Fluffy, did you?"

TBC...


	6. 76 to 90

**AN: **I'd like to thank everyone who took the time to review last chapter. There are imaginary cookies headed your way!

**The Twilight Chronicles **

76.  
**Edward:** "I am not changing you, Bella. I won't take your soul."  
**Bella:** "Souls are _so_ overrated."

77.  
**Caius:** "Aro, I have to speak with you about an important matter."  
**Aro:** "Sssh, you are ruining the plot of Bambi!"

78.  
**Alice:** "Honestly, Bella - sometimes I think you should have taken the Volturi up on their offer to join them. The robe would have done a perfect job of hiding - well, this sweater, for example."

79.  
**Edward: **"I am not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella."  
**Bella:** "Hmpf."  
**Edward:** "It would bother you in the morning."  
**Jacob:** "Yeah, that's hilarious. Seriously, mongrel - are you too much of a coward to fight me?"  
**Edward:** "If it came down to a fight between us, Jacob, I might never get a chance to get in Renée's good books again. According to Bella, second on her mother's blacklist - right after marrying her daughter - is killing live puppies."

80.  
**Bella:** "Ma- Marcus can see the intensity of a relationship?"  
**Aro:** "Oh yes, dear, he can. The strength of his gift is remarkable; he even predicted Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston would _break up_. We all deemed him mental at the time, of course."

81.  
**Edward:** "Why, for the love of all that's saint and holy, would you jump off a cliff?"  
**Bella:** "I just wanted to hear your voice."  
**Edward (after a long pause):** "Despite having gone through every bit of knowledge I gathered over the last hundred years, I am still coming up blank when it comes to figuring out what cliff-diving has to do with my voice. Could you elaborate on that?_ Before _I show you a perfect good reason to jump off a cliff myself?"

82.  
**Bella:** "Edward, did you or did you not sabotage my truck?"  
**Edward:** "I might have had something to do with its downfall. But even you must admit that this new car is far better for you."  
**Bella:** "Edward? I think you know more about this than I do: is a missile-proof car capable of inflicting non-lethal damage on a vampire?"

83.  
**Bella:** "Why am I covered in feathers?"  
**Edward:** "I bit a pillow. Or two."  
**Bella:** "Is that a bad thing?"  
**Edward:** "I don't think so. I can't be completely sure, of course, but I would say that, considering the fact that they don't have mouths, they can't actually _bite."_

84.  
**Edward:** "Carlisle, is it really possible for a human and a vampire to become pregnant?"  
**Carlisle:** "I suppose so, yes."  
**Edward:** "Why didn't you _tell_ me this when we were discussing the matter?"  
**Carlisle:** "It must have slipped my mind - for the sake of the plot, of course."

85.  
**Edward:** "You imprinted on my child? How could you? You are far too old for her, Jacob!"  
**Jacob:** "You make me out to be the pervert guy? At least I'm not old enough to be my love's great-grandfather, cattle."

86.  
**Bella:** "Human eyesight is the bane of my existence. I can't believe I wasted two years of my eyes looking at you through human eyes!"  
**Edward:** "Bella, you have forever to look at me."  
**Bella:** "But I could have had forever _and_ two years. Don't comment on that; I'm in a horrible mood."

87.  
**Bella:** "How are you doing, dad?"  
**Charlie:** "I'm okay, I guess. I still miss you, though. No matter how threateningly I glower at the laundry, it just won't run itself."

88.  
**Rosalie:** "Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the prettiest of all?"  
**Mirror:** "Your looks make men swoon and sway, but prettier even is young Renesmee."  
**Rosalie:** "Renesmee, honey - do you like apples?"

89.  
**Marcus:** "I am bored. More so than usual."  
**Aro:** "It is getting most tiresome to entertain you, beloved brother."  
**Caius:** "I think I have something. Let's hand him a note that says _'turn over'_ on both sides, and see what happens."

90.  
**Renesmee:** "Mommy, I want a dog."  
**Bella:** "Honey, if you want for your father to stop mocking your boyfriend, you really _have_ to stop making it so easy for him."

TBC...


	7. 91 to 105

**AN: **All right, so I realize I'm never going to be able to properly thank all of you, but I at least want you to know that I absolutely love your reviews; your support is what keeps me going at this rate. Thank you so much!

**The Twilight Chronicles**

91.  
**Carlisle:** "Edward, I think you can read minds."  
**Edward:** "Are you telling me I can hear people's thoughts?"  
**Carlisle:** "I don't know, Edward. What I do know is that Mrs. Boston didn't mention anything about a fungus on her toe - until you called her on it."

92.  
**Bella:** "Did you get contacts?"  
**Edward:** "No."  
**Bella:** "I could swear there's something different about your eyes today."  
**Edward:** "Could you be referring to the glasses in front of them?"

93.  
**Bella:** "You owe me an explanation."  
**Edward:** "I saved your life - I don't owe you anthing."  
**Bella:** "You just broke your promise and _now_ you're ruining my cheesy movie line; you are _this_ close to crossing the line, mister."

94.  
**Bella:** "Why did you even bother saving me from the van?"  
**Edward:** "Bella, I could not allow for it to hit you. Your blood would have splattered all over the sidewalk, your organs would have ended up all over the parking place, and your brains would have turned into car decoration for Tyler's vehicle."  
**Bella:** "What?!"  
**Edward:** "I mean - that's what _could_ have happened."

95.  
**Jasper:** "Alice, I can feel your distress. What's wrong?"  
**Alice:** "Just _promise_ me the thought of getting _that _particular haircut will never cross your mind again!"

96.  
**Edward:** "You have to be more careful, Bella. You are so very breakable."  
**Bella:** "Could you please stop saying that? I'm not made of glass."  
**Edward:** "Bella, how many bones _did_ you break over the years?"  
**Bella:** "That's - irrelevant... and so not the point!"

97.  
**Bella:** "He's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's gone, he's go-"  
**Sam:** "Bella? Would you shut up for a moment? I'm heroically saving your life right now and you're not giving me the chance to say 'it's what I do'."

98.  
**Irina:** "I think I'm in love with Laurent."  
**Kate:** "You can't honestly like him! He's not like us in any way..."  
**Tanya:** "And he clearly has _no_ manners. Did you know he killed my monk last night? _Polite_ people don't go stealing food from their hosts!"

99.  
**Edward:** "I want to die."  
**Aro:** "Dare I ask why you want to be killed?"  
**Edward:** "I lost... something very precious to me."  
**Aro:** "So help me, Edward - if you tell me they took your license away from you _again_, I will not be held responsible for my actions."

100.  
**Alice:** "I have been seeing Jasper's face in my head since the day I woke up as a vampire."  
**Rosalie:** "It's a good thing he wasn't on our special diet back then. His constant looking like he's in pain would have been _such_ a turn-off."

101.  
**Alice:** "Bella, I just realized - you are in love with a werewolf _and_ a vampire."  
**Emmett:** "Next thing you know she'll be lusting after garden gnomes."

102.  
**Alice:** "It will be a slumber party."  
**Bella:** "A slumber party... with you?"  
**Alice:** "All right, so you'll slumber and I'll probably be stocking your closet."

103.  
**Jasper**: "Enjoying your bachelor party, Edward?"  
**Edward:** "I wish Bella were here with me."  
**Emmett:** "If you're going to sulk any longer, I might be forced to kill you."  
**Edward:** "If you have the nerve to kill me _now_, I'll come back as a ghost and haunt you for the rest of your sorry existence."  
**Emmett:** "Oooh, ghosts - scary. I wish I were dealing with vampires everyday; I would be less afraid."

104.  
**Bella:** "Alice, you claim I'm safe inside my own mind."  
**Alice:** "Yes, Bella, something seems to protect you from mental intrusion."  
**Bella:** "And yet, _you_ have visions about every decision I make. So tell me, don't I use my brains for decision-making?"  
**Alice:** "Edward told me not to tell you anything, but... treat your toes with extreme care, will you? We suspect they may be conscious."

105.  
**Jacob:** "Dibs."  
**Edward:** "Excuse me?"  
**Jacob:** "I'm calling dibs on your daughter."  
**Edward:** "I'm not going to kill you now, because it would upset Bella..."  
**Jacob:** "Ha!"  
**Edward:** "I'm quite positive that, after what you just did to our daughter- _she _will want to do the honors."

TBC...

**Yay, I crossed nr. 100. More will be posted as soon as possible. **


	8. 106 to 120

**AN: **I love all the reviewers out there, thank you so much. You are _my_ brand of heroin! ;-)

**The Twilight Chronicles **

106.  
**Edward:** "Hold still. I want to try something."  
**Bella:** "If this were a movie, would this be the part where I start worrying about spinach in my braces?"

107.  
**Bella:** "You are too good to be true."  
**Edward**: "You are exaggerating, love."  
**Carlisle:** "Edward, son - I need you to come into my office for a moment. It's time to change your batteries."

108.  
**Bella:** "It's not raining today."  
**Charlie:** "Bella, I know your mother told you to stay positive at all times - but there's no need for you to start hallucinating."

109.  
**Edward: **"You are exactly my brand of heroin."  
**Bella:** "And you are my- wait, was that supposed to be a compliment?"

110.  
**Bella:**"Are you even visible in photographs?"  
**Edward:** "Bella - if I couldn't have my picture taken, I never would have gotten my driver's license."  
**Bella:** "I guess that answers that question."

111.  
**Carlisle:** "You took my heart..."  
**Esme:** "Well, you're _not_ getting it back."

112.  
**Jasper:** "I can not believe how close I came to losing you today."  
**Alice:** "If I die, I want to do it in peace. Promise me you will _not_ pull an Edward on me when my time comes."

113.  
**Edward:** "You bought a motorcycle?"  
**Bella:** "You were gone - and you asked me to move on."  
**Edward:** "I realize that. But I never meant for you to start moving _that_ fast..."

114.  
**Edward:** "Bella, you are not eating nearly enough."  
**Bella:** "Yes, I am. I'm even eating for two now."  
**Edward:** "You _should_ be eating for three: yourself, the baby - and me."

115.  
**Aro:** "Edward, son, let's play a game of us chess."  
**Edward:** "I assume I'll have to hold your hand throughout the entire process?"  
**Aro:** "It's like you read my mind."

116.  
**Jacob: **"Edward! Could you change her already?"  
**Edward: **"I was getting to that part."  
**Jacob: **"It's important you do it right now."  
**Edward: **"She has waited three and a half books for this, surely a few extra seconds won't _kill_ her."

117.  
**Tanya: **"Bella, Edward. We have come for the birth of young Renesmee. All three of us will make a wish for her."  
**Bella:** "Like the fairies in Sleeping Beauty? That's... amazing."  
**Tanya:** "I'll go first. Your child will be far more beautiful than any other child in the world."  
**Kate:** "She will also have the gift of showing people images in their heads."  
**Irina:** "My Laurent is dead because of you! I wish you nothing but despair. Your child - will be imprinted on by a werewolf."

118.  
**Edward: **"Jacob, if you let whatever happened to Emily happen to our daughter..."  
**Bella:** "You will be leaving this house as a hot-dog."

119.  
**Billy:** "Hey, Charlie- I'll race you to the lake."  
**Charlie:** "Don't think I don't know you had Jacob install rocket propulsion on your wheelchair, Billy."

120.  
**Emmett:** "Anyone up for arm-wrestling?"  
**Renesmee:** "I am!"  
**Jacob:** "Use your right arm, honey - I want to be able to put a ring on your finger when the time comes."

TBC...


	9. 121 to 135

**AN**: I loved every single review I received for chapter eight. You guys are awesome! Oh, and thanks for pointing out to me that a wedding ring is supposed to be put on the left hand ;-) I'm ignorant when it comes to marriage...

**The Twilight Chronicles **

121.  
**Jasper:** "New town, new chances?"  
**Emmett: **"Rock, Paper, Scissors?"  
**Jasper:** "All right. One, two... three!"  
**Emmett:** "Scissors! Victory is mine."  
**Rosalie:** "What's the catch?"  
**Emmett:** "I get to use the school assignments we collected over the years. Jasper gets to write new ones. _Again_."

122.  
**Renée: **"How was your first week at Forks High School, honey? Did you make any friends?"  
**Bella:** "My smell caused a classmate to drop out of school - and leave town altogether. Mom? Mom, are you still there?"  
**Renée:** "Give me a moment. I'm thinking of a convincing way to tell you that stuff like that probably happens all the time."

123.  
**Jane: **"Master, everyone thinks I look like a boy. What do I do? Shall I set them on fire?"  
**Aro:** "There must be a peaceful solution to this problem, Jane. Have you tried wearing pink socks?"

124.  
**Charlie:** "Bella, your nose is constantly dripping and you won't stop sneezing. Are you all right?"  
**Bella:** "It's okay, dad, I guess I have a cold."  
**Charlie:** "Am I correct to assume your cold goes by the name of Edward Cullen?"

125.  
**Edward: **"Why don't you go fetch her a space-heater, or something?"  
**Jacob: **"Should I also fix her a hot-tub while I'm at it?"

126.  
**Alice:** "Edward, if you dare run off to Vegas to marry Bella in secret - they'll be investigating _your _murder in CSI: Las Vegas shortly after."

127.  
**Bella:** "You are my sun, Jacob."  
**Jacob:** "Then why are you marrying the bloodsucker?"  
**Bella:** "Because I can't live without him."  
**Jacob:** "But you _can_ live without a sun?"  
**Bella:** "I live in Forks, Jake. I think I can handle it."

128.  
**Bella: **"What would have happened to Victoria if you hadn't burned her body?"  
**Edward: **"Her body parts would have gone... separate ways."  
**Emmett:** "And we would have had to chase two hopping limbs and two crawling arms through Forks. I'm fairly sure the nose would have remained immobile, though."

129.  
**Bella: **"Mike has imitated your haircut."  
**Edward:** "Oh?"  
**Bella:** "And now I'm debating whether or not to accidentally shave his head."

130.  
**Emmett:** "Rose, what are you doing?"  
**Rosalie:** "I'm preparing breakfast for the _dog_."  
**Emmett:** "Honey, is that rat-poison you're mixing through his eggs?"

131.  
**Jacob:** "I love your daughter, Edward."  
**Edward:** "First my wife, now my daughter. I wonder what would happen if I were to take a pet..."

132.  
**Aro: **"We have brought our entire family and many witnesses - _even_ the wives have come."  
**Bella: **"No, you can't kill Renesmee."  
**Aro: **"Oh. All right, then. We're leaving. Thanks for the hospitality."

133.  
**Edward: **"No. _No!_ I would never be that daft!"  
**Alice:** "Well... it must have been your decision, or I wouldn't have seen it."  
**Emmett:** "What's up?"  
**Edward:** "Now that I don't have to save Bella's life on a daily basis anymore, I was _thinking_ of picking up a hobby."  
**Emmett:** "Cool. How about wrestling?"  
**Alice:** "Emmett - he's going to go with curling."

134.  
**Renesmee: **"Mommy and daddy tell me I'm special."  
**Jacob:** "You're anything but, Nessie. You are a plain, ordinary girl and there's nothing special about you."  
**Edward:** "Do you have a death wish?"  
**Jacob:** "No, but I don't want to marry an arrogant woman."

135.  
**Carlisle:** "The time has come for us to move again."  
**Esme:** "I was thinking maybe Scottland this time; it is quite a rainy country."  
**Alice:**"I don't think that's a good idea. Jasper's controlling his thirst quite well, but going to a country where they use the word _'bloody'_ thrice a sentence would be pushing our luck."

TBC...


	10. 136 to 150!

**AN: **First of all, thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I'm not sure I could have made it to the number of 150 without them. Second, this is the last chapter. It's been a fantastic (and hectic) ride, but I feel this is a good place to end the story. Already I am re-using ideas and it's getting difficult for me to come up with new quotes. I am very grateful to each and every one of you, because I have very much enjoyed reading your reviews.

I can't think of a more original way to phrase this, so: THANK YOU! You've been wonderful!

**The Twilight Chronicles **

136.  
**Bella:** "Hold on! I'm having en epiphany here..."  
**Edward:** "And?"  
**Bella:** "You love me!"  
**Edward:** "'What kind of epiphany did you have to finally make you see the truth?"  
**Bella:** "I added your age to mine and multiplied it by the number on your license plate."

137.  
**Bella:** "Alice? Could you come out of the closet for me?"  
**Jasper & Edward:** _"No!"  
_**Bella: **"Oh, geez. Alice, could you come out of... the _wardrobe_ for me?"

138.  
**Carlisle:** "Where did you get those bruises, Newton?"  
**Mike:** "I... I don't know, doctor. It all happened so _fast_. I was just... asking Bella something... in private. Next thing I know I'm hanging upside down in a tree."  
**Carlisle:** "Did you say anything to... provoke a certain person?"  
**Mike:** "Of course not. I was just asking Bella out on a date."  
**Carlisle: **"Well... Mike, I think you got lucky. Your injuries could have been... life-threatening."

139.  
**Bella: **"Would you please stop dazzling me?"  
**Edward:** "Bella, I can't help it if you are intoxicated by my very presence."  
**Bella:** "Don't flatter yourself, mister. I'm not dazzled by _you_, I'm dazzled by your dancing techniques. _Stop_ spinning us around this fast!

140.  
**Jasper:** "Truth or dare?"  
**Emmett:** "Why, dare, of course."  
**Jasper:** "I dare you to play Edward's piano - and _not_ break it this time."

141.  
**Edward:** "You befriended a pack of werewolves? I thought I _ordered_ you to stay out of trouble."  
**Bella:** "The wolves saved me from Laurent, Edward."  
**Edward:** "That is an invalid argument, because if you'd followed my order, you wouldn't have run into Laurent in the first place."

142.  
**Rosalie:** "I want a baby."  
**Emmett:** "We could always adopt a child."  
**Rosalie:** "No living baby is pretty enough to look like it's mine, Emmett. Besides, I don't think we'd quite meet the requirements."  
**Emmett: **"All right, I give up. How about we buy ourselves a Tamakotschi?"

143.  
**Edward:** "Bella, you are too rational for a newborn."  
**Bella:** "Am I doing something wrong?"  
**Jasper:** "No, we're just waiting for the other shoe to drop."  
**Esme:** "Jasper!"  
**Emmett:** "Well, Bella's always been a bit slow at comprehending things. I estimate she'll have her big freak-out in about... fifty years."

144.  
**Bella:** "I'm not used to being stared at. Look, Edward; everyone's looking at me with open mouths. How do you stand it? It's annoying."  
**Edward:** "Bella, love - their staring has nothing to do with your improved looks. You just crossed the street without tripping, it's bound to raise some eyebrows."

145.  
**Tanya: **"We will stand witness for young Renesmee."  
**Kate:** "That is the very least we can do. We will also fight for you if we have to."  
**Edward: **"That will not be necessary. If the Volturi open their attack on us on the battle field, we will politely request we be allowed to evacuate ourselves."

146.  
**Edward:** "Jacob? I thought I ordered you to go to school."  
**Jacob: **"You can't order me around, Edward. I want to be with Renesmee."  
**Edward:** "I will say this once - and you had better listen carefully, because I do not wish to repeat myself. In order for you to get a well-paid job, Jacob, you need to at least _graduate_. You will not marry my daughter before you can at least afford a decent car. Do I make myself clear?"

147.  
**Bella:** "We have such a wonderful family."  
**Alice: **"And we'll always be together."  
**Jasper:** "Until - of course - the Sun explodes and destroys our planet in the process. But I'm sure we'll all have a good time before that happens."

148.  
**Renesmee: **"Grandpa! This is _my_ Jacob."  
**Charlie:** "What do you mean - _your_ Jacob?"  
**Renesmee:** "He's my fiancee."  
**Charlie:** "Jacob? Please tell me this old man doesn't have to die of a heart-attack this very second."

149.  
**Alice**: "The Volturi are coming."  
**Carlisle:** "What do they want?"  
**Alice:** "They want to... borrow a cup of sugar."

150.  
**Edward:** "This is the last quote."  
**Bella:** "Is it a funny one?"  
**Edward:** "No."

THE END


	11. Bonus 1

**AN: **All right, so I know I said this story was finished – and it is. But I read some of the reviews again last night and remembered how incredibly supportive you've all been. I'd almost forgotten how much I loved reading your wonderful comments at the end of the day. A lot of you were sad the story was over, so I decided to write this bonus chapter. I hope you all enjoy!

**The Twilight Chronicles **

1.  
**Aro:** "Do I even _want_ to know?"  
**Jane:** "No, you don't."  
**Aro:** "All right, let's start at the beginning. When you and Caius went out for dinner tonight, the Tower of Pisa was still a plain-looking tower..."  
**Jane:** "Yeah, well… If you take a look up close _now_… you might notice that the Tower's a bit more… lop-sided than before."

2.  
**Jacob:** "I did as you asked and sold the motorcycles."  
**Charlie:** "Thank you, Jacob. I'm relieved you got rid of those dangerous vehicles. Did you get a good price for them?"  
**Jacob:** "Not really. Bella was sort of broke at the moment, but she did trade me your vacuum cleaner."

3.  
**Aro: **"Which vampire consumes the most blood, you ask? That would be Marcus. No, he's not overly greedy, but he's not easily entertained – which is to say that when he's bored, he starts eating…"

4.  
**Alice:** "Bella! Today, we're baking brownies."  
**Bella:** "What are you getting out of this?"  
**Alice:** "Why do you always assume I get expensive stuff for babysit- er, spending time with you? No, don't go into the garage!"  
**Bella:** "Alice, is that a yacht?"  
**Alice:** "Huh. The things our cat drags inside these days…"

5.  
**Jasper:** "Hey, Edward! Bella's looking for you and Jaco- _what_ are you doing under our kitchen table?"  
**Bella (yelling from outside):** "EDWARD! JACOB! YOU JUST WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON THE TWO OF YOU!"  
**Edward****:** "What am I doing under the table, you ask? Well, I would have hid behind the couch, but-"  
**Alice:** "Jacob? What are you doing behind our couch?  
**Edward:** "-that spot was already taken."

6.  
**Aro: **"Marcus! Don't you look cheerful today…"  
**Marcus:** "I've picked up a hobby that will keep me busy for a long time to come."  
**Aro:** "How intriguing. May I ask, what is this new hobby of yours?"  
**Marcus:** "I stumbled upon this website the other day. Have you ever heard of Fan Fiction?"

7.  
**Esme:** "Carlisle, do you think we are doing a good job at raising our children?"  
**Carlisle:** "I think we're doing very well given the circumstances. I mean, sure, they _do_ play with their food..."  
**Esme:** "And they're never home before dark…"  
**Carlisle:** "But other than that, I think they're well-behaved children."  
**Charlie:** "_Excuse me_, how about the fact that one of your kids got my daughter pregnant on his seventeenth? And that the other four are involved with each other?"

8.  
**Sue:** "Charlie, are you too lousy to make yourself a decent meal, or are you simply incapable of cooking?"  
**Charlie:** "I can cook! I just don't have the time for it. Since I have a fulltime job, I have to prioritize every now and then…"  
**Sue:** "I see. Well, then I suggest that in the future – instead of fishing for fish at the lake, you and Billy fish boiled eggs out of water. Now that's what _I _call spending quality time together!"

9.  
**Edward:** "Renesmee, it's time for your bedtime story."  
**Renesmee:** "Why do _you_ always read me bedtime stories? Doesn't mommy want to do it?"  
**Edward:** "Oh, she wants to – but I won't let her."  
**Renesmee:** "Why not?"  
**Edward:** "Because she's only capable of reading Wuthering Heights – and as a father it's my duty to protect my child against all evil in this world."

10.  
**Jacob:** "Huh. It's cold in here."  
**Bella:** "Jacob, _what_ are you doing in our fridge?"  
**Jacob:** "You think that's a valid question? I can do you one better! _Why_ do you and Edward even _have_ a fridge?"

11.  
**Edward:** "Jacob has landed himself a job. He's the new dentist in town."  
**Renesmee:** "Yeah, that's kind of my fault…"  
**Bella:** "Your _fault_?"  
**Renesmee:** "The dentist tried to set my braces, but my venom made the metal melt. He tried for seven hours straight."  
**Bella:** "And?"  
**Renesmee:** "And? And then he retired. Does that make me a bad person?"

12.  
**Sam:** "Leah. Could you _please_ imprint already? Start dating. Get out more!  
**Leah:** "No. I don't want to imprint. I want to stay single for the rest of my miserable life."  
**Sam:** "Guys… are we on the same line?"  
**Paul:** "Yep. There's nothing _we_ can do for her anymore. It's time to bring in the big guns. Embry, send him right in."  
**Embry:** "Leah… we'd like you to meet Dr. Phill."

13.  
**Edward:** "Bella, why is there a grizzly in our closet?"  
**Bella:** "Huh? Oh – well, your parents are visiting this weekend. Just because we don't drink tea, doesn't mean we can't serve treats anymore."

14.  
**Mike:** "Bella. It- it's been a long… t tt-time. H- how are you?"  
**Bella:** "Geez, Mike. You are in a wheelchair? I'm so sorry."  
**Mike:** "According t-to the doctors, it… it's only na-natural for ninety-year o-olds t-to be in a… a wheelchair. Y- you look good, tho- though."  
**Bella:** "Why, thank you."  
**Mike:** "N- not a day ove- over fifty."

15.  
**Aro:** "Well… everyone got their happy ending. What about our happy ending?"  
**Caius:** "We get to live happily ever after?"  
**Marcus:** "How do you do that?"  
**Jane:** "I think we need a prince on a white horse."  
**Aro:** "What an odd combination. But why don't we try it? Chances are the horse makes the prince taste better."

**The Twilight Chronicles **

Again, thanks for the support. I hope this chapter's been satisfying!

Love,

Jammeke


	12. Bonus 2

**AN:** Am I losing credibility when I say this story is finished? Because I fear I am. It's still finished, though, as you can see... Ahem. I've received a number of requests to continue this story, so I figured: why not squeeze out another set of quotes? I have to warn you, though; it's been a while since I wrote Twilight fiction. Don't sue me if the characters sound a bit... more out of character than they usually do in my quotations.

**The Twilight Chronicles**

16.  
**Bella:** "Why did you call me Bella?"  
**Edward:** "Do you prefer Isabella?"  
**Bella:** "No, I like Bella."  
**Edward:** "I do, too. However, coming from you – those words sound a bit narcissistic."

17.  
**Edward:** "Bella… Oh Bella, _please_ don't die on me."  
**Bella:** "You tr– you tried tto… save me… I'm not… bl– blaming… you."  
**Edward:** "That's not what I meant, love. Could you please move off my chest?"

18.  
**Rosalie:** "I'm not vain. Seriously, I'm not. Do you really think I look like a blood vessel? Just because I drink blood, _doesn't_ mean I'm – huh, what did you say? Oh. Well, then how _do_ you spell v– _oh_. Well, if I'm not _vein_, then what on Earth does **v a i n** mean?"

19.  
**Edward:** "Tanya expressed a little interest. I let her know, in a very courteous, gentlemanly fashion, that I did not return that interest."  
**Bella:** "What did you say to her?"  
**Edward:** "I pointed over her shoulder, cried, _"Look, a sheep with five legs!"_ and coincidentally left the room when she wasn't looking."

20.  
**Bella:** "Edward, you will live forever. Why do you care so much about being a soulless creature if you can't even go to Heaven?"  
**Edward:** "My dearest Bella, I'm supposed to be _infallible_. I couldn't care less about going to Heaven. It's the idea that I can't do something – that I _can't_ actually go there – that drives me up the wall."

21.  
**Edward****:** "I just had a look into Aro's thoughts. Do you wish to hear the good news or the bad news?"  
**Jasper:** "Why, both, of course."  
**Edward:** "Well, the good news is… it's going to be Christmas in eleven months."  
**Jasper:** "You know what, never mind. I don't think I want to hear the bad news if _that's_ the only good news you can come up with."

22.  
**Ja****cob** "I feel deprived of –"  
**Sam****:** "Yes, Jacob – we _all _know you feel deprived of love."  
**Jacob:** "I was going to say sunlight, but I guess your version works, too."

23.  
**Renée****:** "It's nice to finally meet you, Esme. I am glad Bella has found such a lovely mother in law."  
**Esme:** "Oh, we get along _very_ well. Bella is like the daughter I never had."  
**Bella:** "And Esme is like the mother I never – er, Esme is like the _brother_ I never had, mom."

24.  
**Bella:** "If it's a boy, I want to name him Jacob."  
**Emmett:** "Well done, Bella. Give Edward another reason to kill the kid, why don't you?"

25.  
**Emmett:** "My super–hearing is going to be the death of me."  
**Rosalie:** "Don't talk like that! Besides, you can't even die."  
**Emmett:** "I can hear _every _silly song on every single iPod within a two–mile radius. How well would you say Lady Gaga and the Jonas Brothers go together? Huh?"

26.  
**Carlisle:** "Congratulations, Edward. It's a girl."  
**Edward:** "Oh, that's just splendid. Just when I thought this rotten situation couldn't get any worse…"

27.  
**Renesmee:** "Uncle Aro, why are you holding a sword over my head?"  
**Aro:** "I'm showing you the art of gravity, dear Renesmee. Look, if I raise this sword up high and bring it down with a swing –"  
**Carlisle:** "Aro, what on Earth are you doing?"  
**Aro:** "... I can knight you more properly than I could have without the sword."

28.  
**Alice:** "I can't see anything. Jacob, get out of here."  
**Jacob:** "What? I only just arrived. And it's _freezing_ outside."  
**Alice:** "No complaints. Get out of the house. Chop chop."  
**Emmett: **"Oh please, could you _chop_ off my nose while you're at it? That smelly dog's dropping in every day now. I'm quickly _and _surely going insane."

29.  
**Edward:** "Bella is my better half."  
**Emmett:** "Seriously? I don't think I even _want_ to know how physically disabled your other half is then."

30.  
**Aro: **"So. We drank the horse's blood and we drank the blood of the prince. I think we can safely state that we learned two things: **A.** The combination was _horrible_ and **B.** We're not feeling any happier."  
**Caius:** "Well, we can't actually _die_. So technically, we can't have an ending, let alone a happy one."  
**Aro:** "Ironically, that thought makes me feel rather suicidal."

**The Twilight Chronicles**

**AN:** Thanks for reading this... bonus _bonus_ chapter. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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_**Marcus:**__ "I've got it! We can live happily __ever after__!"  
__**Caius:**__ "Oh, shut up!" _


End file.
